rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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