Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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