I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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