she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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