She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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