her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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