Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize