I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize