The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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