Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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