i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize