guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
