someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
