You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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