You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize