Your dad touched me again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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