we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm like, not good at living.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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