There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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