i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
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Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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