they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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