Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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