god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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