just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize