remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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