I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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