Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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