I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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