Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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