Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize