it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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