Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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