Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
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At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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