I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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