____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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