Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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