i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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