Already got asked if we're dating
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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