Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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