I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
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Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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