just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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