So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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