dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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