I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize