I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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