Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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