he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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