Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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