I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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