so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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