I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize