oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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